Brand-New Quotes, One-liners, and Short Jokes by Dave J. Shelton

This is the second installment in the series, and everything in here is even fresher, funnier and, as usual, straight to the punchlines. As with the first installment, you won’t find those cliched materials—that’s what the internet’s for. After all, time is so precious it should only be wasted wisely.
In this installment, you get memorable quotes, witty one-liners, and humorous short jokes on knowledge, wisdom, science, technology, time, intelligence, money, politics, government, relationship, marriage, love, relationship, beauty, health, success, etc. There are also materials to motivate and inspire you, so you know that it’s well, even inside a well (although, outside is obviously better). Some humorous but somewhat true definitions have also been included. Also, in order to aid understanding, keywords have been italicized.
Tom Willis, the fellow who is capable of the sublime in one minute and pure foolery in the very same minute, is back, and back with a bang. I couldn’t help but create more space for him in this installment. You also get to meet our new doctor, the one who took the hypocritical oat and, therefore, likes to make a meal (or mess, if you like) of everything.
Although this is not the go-to book for aspiring clowns, you can rest assured that the contents of this book will breathe new life into your talks, speeches, tweets, writings, etc.
This book is ideal for the young, the old, and the age-is-just-a-number crew.

Snippets from this book

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Don’t show bias: treat fools, idiots, morons, and nincompoops equally. After all, they’re all equally useless.
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Once, a computer beat me at chess. Next time, I came fully prepared—with the right screwdrivers.
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Better to remain silent and be thought a fool only than to speak and reveal the mouth odor as well.
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Don’t lie; you will never be able to do it better than the politicians.
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Fools: morons with the least number of brain neurons.
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Honesty pays, but crime pays faster.
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My family was so poor…we rarely had enough to eat, never mind renting an apartment in the slums.
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TOM’S FRIEND: There’s this designer shirt that costs 5,000 dollars; it requires no washing, pressing, doesn’t get wet, and has a lovely, permanent fragrance.
TOM WILLIS: And it has the money-back option in case of theft?
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What a man can do, a woman can make him do it better.
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If a jobless man sleeps around, he’s just homeless; If a jobless woman does same, she’s a sex worker.

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Love all, but trust only dogs.

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Everyone’s born with greatness; the problem is, it typically goes out with the umbilical cord.