The doorknob greeted his hand.  “I’m glad you’re choosing me to go through this entryway,” it chirped, “instead of that snobby keypad.”  He heaved a sigh.  It was going to be a very long day. 

He stepped out of his room and into the hall.  A light came on and he screamed. “I’m sorry,” the light control said, “but you activated the motion sensor.  I’ll try to modulate the brightness.”  Of course, nothing happened. 

He walked into the bathroom.  He reached for the cupboard, and it opened.  He looked at the deodorant, and an arm handed it to him.  “I do have arms, you know,” he said stiffly.  He went to the under-cabinet and took out a towel. 

“You just washed that towel,” a voice reminded him. 

“So what?”

“There are other towels that you have not used in two hundred-twenty hours and nine minutes.”

“I’ll think about it.”  He went back to his bedroom, had the day’s clothes handed to him, and returned to the bathroom.  At first he set the clothes on the counter, but a gentle reminder from a machine voice inspired him to fold them first.  He sat down on the toilet. After relieving himself, a jolt of water came up his tailpipe.  He was muttering dark and obscene oaths when he stepped into the shower.

Hot water abruptly gushed at him.  He screamed again.  “Turn the head down!”

“Sorry.”

“Anyway, I didn’t ask for water!”

“You were saying something. I merely assumed you were whispering.  After all, you rarely yell this early in the morning.”

“Just shut up and hand me the soap.” He started to violently dread breakfast and the commute to work.

The moral?  When the doorknobs start making eloquent apologies, it might be a good time to get back to nature.

First published in Vision Science Fiction, Volume 2, Issue 1, 1992.

A woman scientist travels back in time. A TV preacher warns of the "mutant danger." A teenager trains to be a mutant hero. There’s a mutant villain with ambition. How are these four people connected to a mysterious hero known as the "Monitor?" Can the future be changed? And can a person be changed trying to do so? "Monitor" examines morality and obsession amidst a background of superheroes and time travel. The dark drama of "Monitor" will have readers asking, "Could I save the world without losing myself?"

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To get out of debt, spacer Jake Bonner takes on two odd jobs. The first, chauffeur pop star Evvie Martini on her tour; the second, helping Daniel and Clarissa Rosen overthrow their planet’s tyrannical ruler.

Unfortunately for Jake, Evvie finds out about his second assignment and, hoping to advance her career, invites herself to the revolution. From there the absurdity grows for Jake and his band of “freedom fighters.”

Expert Assistance pokes fun at revolutions, pop culture, and some of the cliches of sci-fi.

What To Change (short story, 3400 words): Doug Patterson is nearing 30 and feels his life has been one mistake after the other. A mysterious professor sends him a letter, offering him the chance to go back in time to change his life. Will Doug take that chance? If he does, what will he change?

First published in “Aphelion,” Volume 7, Issue 73, August 2003.

Here’s a collection of stories you probably won’t find anywhere else. Inside Fun Tales of Fantasy & the Future are tales of a spooky mansion eager to be bought; a clever antiques dealer; disappointed model railroad denizens; and a doorknob that greets your hand, literally. Thrown in at no extra charge are con-men, cranks, and college-age aliens. This collection assembles 18 stories published between 1990 and 2008. There’s a mix of humorous fantasy and science-fiction, plus some SF/F with a light touch. These stories have appeared publications such as Marion Zimmer Bradley's Fantasy Magazine, Tales of the Talisman, and Golden Visions. The stories in this collection are great for anyone looking for a smile with their spaceships and spell casting.

A Stop At Stanford (short story, 4200 words): Doug Nyren makes videos. He wants to move to a place where the other artists aren’t snobs and his neighbors won’t try to push him to be a sell-out. He visits the tiny town of Stanford on the planet Gypsum. He meets some interesting people there, but will Stanford be the new home he’s looking for?

First published in “Parageography” Number 1, July 20.

Gather ‘round, one and all, and thrill to the rediscovery of the sagas of Surgard the Northerner as he collected tales from across the known lands of man. Stand alongside the heroic and witty Surgard as he faces down foolish giants, singing dwarves, duplicitous wizards, suspicious savages, and worst of all, a monster with an attorney!

The Sagas of Surgard are written by Robert Collins, a science-fiction and fantasy author from Kansas. The collection assembles 13 stories published between 1995 and 2008, and includes two stories never before in print. Each is a humorous fantasy, and most poke fun at some famous myth or fictional tale.